Episode 12: "Disco Inferno"

Written by: Marlane Meyer
Directed by: Jace Alexander
Episode Number: 112
Original Broadcast Date: January 14, 2000
Guest Stars: Tamara Gorski (Vanessa), Christopher McCann (Rev. Kelso), Richard Venture (Ed Delongpre), Dahlia Salem (Miss Avalone), Jack Swaltney (Investigator), Timothy Devlin (Special Agent #1)

Agent: Wow. That's the brain, huh? It's amazing.
Dr. Morris: You think so? I really didn't have anything to do with that.
Agent: Oh, no, I know, I know. I mean, this... this is incredible, too. I... I mean, I look at that and I'm...
Dr. Morris: Radio Shack.
(372 KB)

Lisa: Heather... Heather, I am sorry. You know, I-I saw that tree coming toward you through the windshield and I... and - and I got anxious.
Heather: You didn't get anxious, Mother. You panicked. You said the Lord's Prayer, for crying out loud.
Lisa: I did? I'm sorry.
Heather: How am I supposed to concentrate on driving if you keep on crossing yourself all the time?
(386 KB)

Agent: Maybe it's too sensitive?
Michael: This is really cool.
Dr. Morris: This is really awful.
(85 KB)

Michael: Aah... a high-pitched sound... whirring... horrible. Oh, it's making my skin crawl. Wait. It's stopped now. A guy's saying "Spit."
Dr. Morris and Agent: Dentist's office.
(263 KB)

Michael: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah! This is great!
Dr. Morris: What's that?
Michael: I don't know. Either two people are on their honeymoon... or somebody's watching a porno.
Dr. Morris: Maybe we should get the operating room ready.
(283 KB)

Michael: I think the kid who was watching the porno's mother just walked in the room. Something about no more television for the rest of his life. I know how he feels.
(184 KB)

Investigator: Are either of you familiar with "spontaneous human combustion?"
Michael: Well, I never heard them play live, but I think I had an 8-track of theirs back in the 70's.
(168 KB)

Michael: Right, I read about this in one of our finer weekly newspapers... right beneath a story about how aliens helped some family save their farm.
(pause as Morris and the investigator stare at him)
Michael: Forget I said anything. I'll just stand here and listen to the voices in my head.
(273 KB)

Heather: Way to go, Mom! I take back everything I ever said to the school shrink about you.
(184 KB)

Heather: You're the best!
Lisa: Well... hold that thought.
(72 KB)

Heather: Just so we're clear...
Lisa: Hmm.
Heather: ...this makes anything I might do to you completely justifiable in a court of law.
(168 KB)

Michael: Are you aware that in the past three weeks, there's been two other deaths in the city that seem to involve spontaneous human combustion?
Dr. Morris: And where did you hear that?
Michael: (imitating announcer) Yak Radio! No music! No news! Nothing but yak! Yak Radio - keepin' New York yakking. Yeah, yeah.
(348 KB)

Dr. Morris: Do you know what the word 'myth' means?
Michael: Thertainly. I myth my wife, I myth my daughter.
(108 KB)

Dr. Morris: I don't have to prove it!
Michael: Oh, you most certainly do. Have you forgotten you're talking to a guy who was dead... and had his brain put into a body built out of government surplus. I no longer believe in absolutes.
(246 KB)

Michael: I used to be able to do that... when I was young.
(58 KB)

Michael: "On our way back?" Surely you jest.
Dr. Morris: Look at this face. This face does not jest.
(106 KB)

Michael: Wow, you are closed-minded.
Dr. Morris: Get in the car, please.
Michael: What would be the harm? We run over to this church...
Dr. Morris: Get in the car, please.
Michael: Check on who is and isn't a member... Dr. Morris: Get in the car, please.
Michael: See if anybody's smoldering...
Dr. Morris: (louder, in Michael's ear) Get in the car, please.
Michael: Ow!
(337 KB)

Michael: So how do you think these people were killed?
Dr. Morris: Don't know, don't care.
Michael: Yes, you do.
Dr. Morris: No, I don't.
Michael: Yes, you do.
Dr. Morris: No, I don't.
Michael: Yes, you do.
Dr. Morris: No, I don't.
Michael: Stumped, stumped, stumped.
Dr. Morris: Am not, am not, am not.
(353 KB)

Roger: I am the adult. I could have insisted that you slow down.
Heather: You did... kind of. you were making that whimpering sound. I knew what it meant.
Roger: Yes, but perhaps I should have been clearer... stronger.
Heather: Whatever.
(363 KB)

Lisa: Oh, my God!
Heather: I can explain! It's a thing, not a person, aren't you glad that I'm all right, that I'm safe - okay, I withdraw the question.
(232 KB)

Kelso: Who are you? Where did you come from?
Michael: Me? I'm the other government guy. I've been downstairs listening. I heard every word that you said. Also, the Giants are ahead seven-zip at the end of the third quarter.
(279 KB)

Michael: (sighs) Gee, I hope I didn't throw you too hard. For what it's worth, many of the people I do that to report that they experience strong feelings of contentment. A feeling of well-being. Some even report a feeling of warmth. (grabs Kelso by the collar) Can you feel it?
(338 KB)

Heather: Wow, Uncle Roger, your car really kicks ass.
Roger: It does? Oh, no. Oh... dear!
(268 KB)

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